Ms Congeniality - IV

Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FOURTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL

Two pageant contestants are talking to each other.
Sonalika says, “Right after the contest I’m going to Allahabad to visit my 97 year old grandmother.”

Ankita replies with, “Oh, I was in Allahabad once. It’s got such horrible weather. Not a happening place at all ! I’d rather go to Mumbai or Bangalore.”

What do you think of this conversation ? Rather insensitive on Ankita’s part, wasn’t it ?

Ankita was a bad listener. She only heard the first half of what was said and started to say what she thought was right. She failed to see the reason why Sonalika said what she said. Sonalika actually was a little concerned that her grandma was getting by in years. She was not keeping too well. She could die anytime. Sonalika knew that granny was very lonely since grandpa died 14 years ago. She had not seen her for over six months now and really wanted to go and see her. But Ankita, who did not listen, changed the entire message around and brought it down to a discussion about which cities were hot and happening.

If I was Ankita, I would have replied with, “97 !!…..omg….. is she keeping well ? Do you get to see her often?”
This would give Sonalika a chance to say what was actually bothering her. She could off load her tension and Ankita would then start to become her good friend.

In our enthusiasm and our desire to express ourselves, we forget to listen to what is being said; we just plain stop listening! In the bargain, we lose little opportunities of making friends. Listen well so that you know what to say next. Here are some suggestions that you may follow to become good listeners. Some of them may seem obvious, but it is amazing how many times we forget them and unintentionally insult the speaker.

1. Let others finish saying what they have to.
As the speaker is saying something, she will often reveal valuable clues that will help you satisfy her needs. This also saves time and avoids useless and frivolous discussion about things that the speaker
has no interest in.

2. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time.
If you are one of those who is always anxious to add your own views, you often attempt to interrupt with comments while another person is speaking. This invasion of random comments actually slows the conversation. Wait, you will get your chance to say something. And what you say will be more relevant after you have heard the other person out.

3. Listen for the main ideas.
Specific facts (like, ‘right after the contest’, and, ‘Allahabad’ in the above example) are only important as they pertain to the main theme. If you hear them in isolation, they will often cause misinterpretation and can be taken out of context because you pre-empted the main point thinking you knew what was going to be said.

4. Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots.
One of the biggest blocks to good listening is your own preconceptions and your prejudices. When a word is spoken that triggers your own thoughts your mind wanders off. This chain reaction produces a dead spot in your listening. Don't let your prejudices or triggers take you or the conversation to places you really don't want to go.

5. Fight off distractions.
Don't let ringing telephones, passersby or other things distract you.

6. React to the message, not the person.
Don't let your feelings about the speaker influence your understanding of what is being said. Sometimes the best thoughts come from people who you think are not worth listening to.

7. Take advantage of feedback.
Ask, "let me see if I understand what you are saying. Then repeat what you think you heard. This gives you a chance to correct any misunderstanding before things get out of hand and go down the
wrong path to a dead end.

Start using these suggestions while you listen from now on and see how it endears you to those you communicate with.

The Fifth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.

The Question : Is this statement True or False ? While listening you should always react to the person, not to the message being said.

Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.

Stay cool, I’ll catch you next month.