Ms Congeniality - II

Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE SECOND CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
The Ms Congeniality sub contest, that is an important part of every prestigious pageant, is judged by the contestants themselves. They vote for each other and decide who, amongst them, was the most caring, friendly and warm during the entire length of the contest.
We tackled the first Challenge of congeniality in the last issue. If you’re ready, here comes the second.
Very often we hear people making statements like :
Anyone who uses curse words is obviously stupid and uneducated!
People who like Rap don’t know anything about music!
Women who wear short skirts are sluts !
If you look more closely, you will also find that some people are more prone to making statements like these, and most times these people are the ones that are generally disliked amongst friends. So what’s wrong with making statements like the ones above ? The answer is that unknown to them, these people have a particularly unattractive trait. They are all being judgmental. Often, these judgments are based on their own prejudice and bias and their far-reaching pronouncements are based on limited information.
Yet, when we meet other people, it is only natural to notice good or bad things about them and form opinions, none of us can help that ! So how does making opinions about others differ from being judgmental?
Judgments are often made in authoritative terms; they dictate what is right and wrong, what should and should not be, what is good or bad. Making a simple opinion, however, does not carry these ominous overtones. Shireen has poor table manners is an opinion. But the judgmental person would add something to the opinion, such as (therefore), she’s a slob who comes from a bad family!

They say, “Hate the sin, not the sinner”.
In forming opinions, there is no moral overtone, no further conclusions are drawn, no inferences are made about the person’s character. We just have our observation. As soon as we add therefore to the observation we are likely to be judgmental. He talks very slowly, is an observation, therefore, he must be stupid is a judgmental conclusion.

If you look out for your ‘therefores’ you are less likely to sit in judgment over your fellow human beings, which will be good for you and them. Otherwise you will seem to always look down on others, and imply that you are so much better … and that creates division between you and the others.

When you first arrive as a pageant contestant you are going to meet many new people who you would have to work closely with for the next few days. You will notice things about the other contestants that may appear good or bad to you, but to form an opinion about them based on your first impressions will be suicidal. Go that extra yard to try and find out why they do or say what they do. Once you know the reason, you will appreciate the individuals a lot more. The flip side is that in return, the others also seem to start liking you more.
So form an opinion and voice it if you want, but stop yourself there and don’t add ‘therefore’ to make a judgment.
The Third Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me.
The Question : What is the main difference between forming an opinion and passing a judgment ?
The answer is somewhere within this article. Shoot off your answers to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
See you next month.