F**k it........Just do it yourself
Clean Up Your 63 Yards
On India's 63rd Independence Day, it is time to put in our little bit and help ourselves to a better quality of life.
Collect a group of 8-10 friends, select an area of 63 square yards, and clean it up. And don’t throw the muck in the next group’s 63 yards. Spend 500 bucks on a truck and send it to the disposal.
This is also a special appeal to the youth of Delhi. Start the process now and maybe we will save the government a lot of embarrassment during the Commonwealth Games.
The 63 sq yds area that you pick could be anywhere, your immediate surroundings, a park in your neighborhood, a street corner, stretches of street dividers where malba lying around is a constant eyesore, or anywhere else where it is safe for you to operate. Go ! Do it yourself !!
Your effort is not something that anybody can siphon off to their Swiss banks. Donate as much as you can & see the results.
About Me
- Yuri Suri
- I was born to have fun, and therefore, I am ! I flew fighter planes in the Indian air Force for 20 years. Then took up broadcasting as an FM Radio Jock. And now my final calling... Bollywood. Unless I chose to form a rock band and become a rock star. My friends have already suggested a name for the band.....'YURINE'. If that is any indication of how good I am at the guitar, I should be giving up the idea ! So what's Yuri's Fury about? Well there is some personal views about how the world and it's citizens are not living up to my standards ;) But it's not all fury. There are some fun bits, some life skills suggestions, and of course, my articles on preparation for beauty pageants, that appear as a regular column in Models 'n Trends, are reproduced here. I have also posted information about all the films I'm currently acting in. Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it. Do send in your suggestions and comments. I value them. Yuri
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Making of a blockbuster
The formula for making an epic blockbuster :
Big superstar qty ONE
Songs by superstar qty As Many As Possible
Horses qty 2000
Story line Not Required
Direction Must Have A Director, preferably one who has made a movie or two.
Money qty Lots
Other Actors Only to fill in some gaps
Audience Who cares, they'll come anyway ! Even 5% of 6.1 billion is not bad.
And some other extras like cinematographer, editor, lyricist, music director, action director and anything else that you think will look good when the titles are rolling.
Put all the ingredients together, in no particular order, shake them up to ensure that they don't make any sense whatsoever, and call a few press conferences.
Enjoy the blockbuster garnished with popcorn and crushed ice in a large multiplex.
Big superstar qty ONE
Songs by superstar qty As Many As Possible
Horses qty 2000
Story line Not Required
Direction Must Have A Director, preferably one who has made a movie or two.
Money qty Lots
Other Actors Only to fill in some gaps
Audience Who cares, they'll come anyway ! Even 5% of 6.1 billion is not bad.
And some other extras like cinematographer, editor, lyricist, music director, action director and anything else that you think will look good when the titles are rolling.
Put all the ingredients together, in no particular order, shake them up to ensure that they don't make any sense whatsoever, and call a few press conferences.
Enjoy the blockbuster garnished with popcorn and crushed ice in a large multiplex.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Ms Congeniality - VII
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FINAL CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Being Too Serious Can Drive You Crazy
My favorite question to my friends is, “Are you having fun yet ?” The reason I ask this is that most of the world is not having fun yet, and it is unlikely that they would be having fun anytime in the near future ! My definition of fun would probably be the same as yours. I would just add a new perspective.
The first thing about having fun is the ability to laugh at yourself.
Show me a human being who has never done a silly mistake and I’ll show you a monkey that doesn’t eat bananas. Everyone has fallen on a slippery floor, dropped a glass in a party, or made a social faux pas sometimes in their lives but they would never admit it. They didn’t laugh at that wonderfully funny thing because they were too embarrassed about it. They were embarrassed about it because it happened to them. Had it happened to someone else, they would have enjoyed it !
Similarly, most people get teased very easily. If someone makes fun of them, they don’t take too kindly to it and immediately start thinking of a counter retort or revenge.
The importance that you give to yourself and your image is good, but being too serious about yourself will bog you down. Approaching your life with a non-serious attitude gives you a clearheaded view of difficulties and the energy to deal with them. Problems are easier to solve, people are more cooperative and you feel more relaxed.
To learn how to laugh at yourself, do this exercise. Every once in a while sit down with friends and narrate to each other your most embarrassing moments in life. Don’t stop yourself. Come out with experiences where you felt like total idiots, and when your friends laugh at you, join in the laughter. This exercise liberates you from the excessive self importance that is restricting your self confidence. When you accept yourself as an ordinary mortal who makes mistakes but is also capable of achieving many things, your self esteem and confidence shoots up.
There are some other aspects of having fun in life.
Be creative, stop following all the rules. If you obey all the rules you will miss out on all the fun. Now, this does not mean that you break the rules that the pageant management has laid down for you. Interpret this advice in a fun, non-rebellious way and you will find that there is a lot of opportunity in life to have fun while staying within accepted norms.
Another favorite question that I ask is, “When was the last time you did something for the first time ?” Seek out and get some adventure in life. Try new things once in a while. Don’t say no to something just because you have never tried it or experienced it earlier.
Here’s another tip. Whenever you face a situation where someone does something to make you angry, try and wait for 10 seconds before you react. I’m not asking you to count up to 10 in these seconds. Instead, I will ask you to remind yourself of a magic mantra. And the mantra is that ‘Five years later, that incident will no longer seem important to you, in fact, you will not even remember it.” Remind yourself of this mantra in those 10 seconds and see how your reaction to any potentially explosive situation changes for the better.
And finally, the biggest myth of all: "People will think I'm important if I act serious all the time." Yet getting serious creates problems: stress, worry, anxiety, emotional pain, drudgery and failure. Resolving problems by getting more serious is like fixing a computer with a hammer. The harder you try, the worse the problem becomes.
So lighten up, get yourself a sense of humor, learn to laugh at yourself, and get a life. You will find that you are suddenly more acceptable by those around you and will score high on the Ms Congeniality vote.
These along with the six in previous issues were the Seven Challenges of Congeniality.
Next issue we shall talk of more stuff to get you ready for that Miss India crown. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : If someone makes fun of you, immediately say something equally harsh, otherwise he will think that you are a weak person. (True or False ?)
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Till next month then.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FINAL CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Being Too Serious Can Drive You Crazy
My favorite question to my friends is, “Are you having fun yet ?” The reason I ask this is that most of the world is not having fun yet, and it is unlikely that they would be having fun anytime in the near future ! My definition of fun would probably be the same as yours. I would just add a new perspective.
The first thing about having fun is the ability to laugh at yourself.
Show me a human being who has never done a silly mistake and I’ll show you a monkey that doesn’t eat bananas. Everyone has fallen on a slippery floor, dropped a glass in a party, or made a social faux pas sometimes in their lives but they would never admit it. They didn’t laugh at that wonderfully funny thing because they were too embarrassed about it. They were embarrassed about it because it happened to them. Had it happened to someone else, they would have enjoyed it !
Similarly, most people get teased very easily. If someone makes fun of them, they don’t take too kindly to it and immediately start thinking of a counter retort or revenge.
The importance that you give to yourself and your image is good, but being too serious about yourself will bog you down. Approaching your life with a non-serious attitude gives you a clearheaded view of difficulties and the energy to deal with them. Problems are easier to solve, people are more cooperative and you feel more relaxed.
To learn how to laugh at yourself, do this exercise. Every once in a while sit down with friends and narrate to each other your most embarrassing moments in life. Don’t stop yourself. Come out with experiences where you felt like total idiots, and when your friends laugh at you, join in the laughter. This exercise liberates you from the excessive self importance that is restricting your self confidence. When you accept yourself as an ordinary mortal who makes mistakes but is also capable of achieving many things, your self esteem and confidence shoots up.
There are some other aspects of having fun in life.
Be creative, stop following all the rules. If you obey all the rules you will miss out on all the fun. Now, this does not mean that you break the rules that the pageant management has laid down for you. Interpret this advice in a fun, non-rebellious way and you will find that there is a lot of opportunity in life to have fun while staying within accepted norms.
Another favorite question that I ask is, “When was the last time you did something for the first time ?” Seek out and get some adventure in life. Try new things once in a while. Don’t say no to something just because you have never tried it or experienced it earlier.
Here’s another tip. Whenever you face a situation where someone does something to make you angry, try and wait for 10 seconds before you react. I’m not asking you to count up to 10 in these seconds. Instead, I will ask you to remind yourself of a magic mantra. And the mantra is that ‘Five years later, that incident will no longer seem important to you, in fact, you will not even remember it.” Remind yourself of this mantra in those 10 seconds and see how your reaction to any potentially explosive situation changes for the better.
And finally, the biggest myth of all: "People will think I'm important if I act serious all the time." Yet getting serious creates problems: stress, worry, anxiety, emotional pain, drudgery and failure. Resolving problems by getting more serious is like fixing a computer with a hammer. The harder you try, the worse the problem becomes.
So lighten up, get yourself a sense of humor, learn to laugh at yourself, and get a life. You will find that you are suddenly more acceptable by those around you and will score high on the Ms Congeniality vote.
These along with the six in previous issues were the Seven Challenges of Congeniality.
Next issue we shall talk of more stuff to get you ready for that Miss India crown. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : If someone makes fun of you, immediately say something equally harsh, otherwise he will think that you are a weak person. (True or False ?)
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Till next month then.
Ms Congeniality - V
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FIFTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
The power of simple acknowledging
Have you seen how some people, when you tell them something, always repeat your words back to you. And then give you a response to what you’ve said. For example :
“Raina, you are always sitting on the computer.”
“Mom, you’re annoyed because I’m always sitting on the computer. But after college I’m home for just 2 hours before I leave for my dance classes. I have to catch up with my emails and friends in this time !”
Her mom is much more likely to be satisfied with the response than if Eshita had started her response with “But after college I’m home for just 2 hours……….. .”
Eshita has applied a simple trick in her response. She has used what is known as ‘The power of simple acknowledgement’.
By repeating back in her own words the essence and feeling of what she has just heard from the mom’s point of view, she allows her mom to feel the satisfaction of being recognized as an individual and of being understood. This is a very major psychological need in humans. Those of you who have studied psychology in college, would have learnt about physical and emotional strokes. This simple acknowledgement by Eshita provides an emotional stroke to her mom and satisfies her much more than the rest of her answer will. That’s about all that you also have to do to use this trick. Acknowledge what you hear and magically, your chances of being heard and understood by the other person improve tremendously.
Here is what acknowledgement is all about, and how to use its power.
When someone says something to you, listen first and repeat back to that person, in your own words, what you’ve heard, even if you don't agree with it, before expressing your point of view. Specially in a tense or conflict situation, in order to get better attention from the other, pay attention first, then give a brief restatement of what you have heard before you express your own needs or position.
You must remember that acknowledging another person's thoughts and feelings does not mean that you approve of, or agree with what that person is saying, or that you will do whatever someone asks. It just indicates that you have entirely understood what has been said to you.
For effectively acknowledging someone, keep these three steps in mind :
1. Repeat to the speaker what you have heard : Acknowledge by repeating back in similar words to show that you have heard and understood what has been said to you. Then express anything else that you want to. Another example :
Statement :“I felt on top of the world when I won the Ms India crown.”
Respond with :“So you felt great getting the crown ! You must’ve been really kicked about it. I’m sure it was a very proud moment for you and your family.”
Don’t just say : “Oh yea, you must be really kicked about it !”
2. Don't Invalidate : It is not necessary that you agree with the person you are acknowledging. You do not even need to show or feel that what is said is the truth. However, don’t tell the speaker that what she has said is invalid or has happened because of her fault. In other words, do not invalidate the speaker. Example :
Statement : “My dog got run over by a car today.”
Respond with : “"Aw. Your dog got run over. You must be feeling really terrible..........."
Don’t say : “ You know I told you not to take the dog out without the leash !”
3. Don't Try to Change the speaker’s views : Be satisfied just to acknowledge. Don't try to change the talker’s opinion or behaviour.
Statement : I hate these guys who stare at me every time I go to the mall. As if they’ve never seen a woman before !”
Respond with : “Yes, you get really mad when they stare, don’t you ?”
Don’t say : “Probably has something to do with the short dresses that you wear all the time. Go out in a salwar kameez and no one will stare.”
Get acknowledgement in your bag of communication tricks, feel its power, and see how people’s reactions to what you say changes for the better.
The Sixth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : What are the three simple things that you need to keep in mind when you acknowledge someone ?
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Keep polishing your wheel. The crown is not as far as you think it is ! Till next month then.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FIFTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
The power of simple acknowledging
Have you seen how some people, when you tell them something, always repeat your words back to you. And then give you a response to what you’ve said. For example :
“Raina, you are always sitting on the computer.”
“Mom, you’re annoyed because I’m always sitting on the computer. But after college I’m home for just 2 hours before I leave for my dance classes. I have to catch up with my emails and friends in this time !”
Her mom is much more likely to be satisfied with the response than if Eshita had started her response with “But after college I’m home for just 2 hours……….. .”
Eshita has applied a simple trick in her response. She has used what is known as ‘The power of simple acknowledgement’.
By repeating back in her own words the essence and feeling of what she has just heard from the mom’s point of view, she allows her mom to feel the satisfaction of being recognized as an individual and of being understood. This is a very major psychological need in humans. Those of you who have studied psychology in college, would have learnt about physical and emotional strokes. This simple acknowledgement by Eshita provides an emotional stroke to her mom and satisfies her much more than the rest of her answer will. That’s about all that you also have to do to use this trick. Acknowledge what you hear and magically, your chances of being heard and understood by the other person improve tremendously.
Here is what acknowledgement is all about, and how to use its power.
When someone says something to you, listen first and repeat back to that person, in your own words, what you’ve heard, even if you don't agree with it, before expressing your point of view. Specially in a tense or conflict situation, in order to get better attention from the other, pay attention first, then give a brief restatement of what you have heard before you express your own needs or position.
You must remember that acknowledging another person's thoughts and feelings does not mean that you approve of, or agree with what that person is saying, or that you will do whatever someone asks. It just indicates that you have entirely understood what has been said to you.
For effectively acknowledging someone, keep these three steps in mind :
1. Repeat to the speaker what you have heard : Acknowledge by repeating back in similar words to show that you have heard and understood what has been said to you. Then express anything else that you want to. Another example :
Statement :“I felt on top of the world when I won the Ms India crown.”
Respond with :“So you felt great getting the crown ! You must’ve been really kicked about it. I’m sure it was a very proud moment for you and your family.”
Don’t just say : “Oh yea, you must be really kicked about it !”
2. Don't Invalidate : It is not necessary that you agree with the person you are acknowledging. You do not even need to show or feel that what is said is the truth. However, don’t tell the speaker that what she has said is invalid or has happened because of her fault. In other words, do not invalidate the speaker. Example :
Statement : “My dog got run over by a car today.”
Respond with : “"Aw. Your dog got run over. You must be feeling really terrible..........."
Don’t say : “ You know I told you not to take the dog out without the leash !”
3. Don't Try to Change the speaker’s views : Be satisfied just to acknowledge. Don't try to change the talker’s opinion or behaviour.
Statement : I hate these guys who stare at me every time I go to the mall. As if they’ve never seen a woman before !”
Respond with : “Yes, you get really mad when they stare, don’t you ?”
Don’t say : “Probably has something to do with the short dresses that you wear all the time. Go out in a salwar kameez and no one will stare.”
Get acknowledgement in your bag of communication tricks, feel its power, and see how people’s reactions to what you say changes for the better.
The Sixth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : What are the three simple things that you need to keep in mind when you acknowledge someone ?
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Keep polishing your wheel. The crown is not as far as you think it is ! Till next month then.
Ms Congeniality - VI
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE SIXTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Stop Complaining About Yourself
If you think there's something wrong with you, no one will argue with you. They will agree with you whole heartedly. Think of how many times you hear statements like these :
“Oh, I’ve put on so much weight on my thighs. I need to spend more time in the gym.”
“My boyfriend is so insensitive.”
“My hair is so unmanageable.”
“I wish my parents were a little more liberal.”
“Wish I could give up smoking.”
“I’ve been very unfortunate in my relationships.” ……. etc.
Each one of us has features or habits or experiences that we could really do without. If by now you have adopted the First challenge of Congeniality ie you have learnt how to love yourself (Jun issue), the number of these things must have reduced drastically. However, some of our grievances still remain. There should be some magic mantra to wish them away, but (sigh) …..there isn’t ! But there is one more thing you can do to minimize the effect of these unfortunate things and also appear more pleasant to those around you ………Stop complaining about yourself. Because, if you don’t, you will only highlight things that are wrong about you, and the others will not disbelieve you. There is something worse that also happens alongside. Just like people who constantly boast about themselves, those who continuously talk about their shortcomings also fall in the ‘I, me and myself’ category. Imagine how boring it is to listen to people who go on and on about ‘I this’ and ‘me that’. They keep the focus on themselves and most times the others tend to make a face and tune off.
There are 2 good reasons why you should stop complaining all the time. The first reason is in the para above. The second reason, which is equally important, is that saying negative things also does not make those around you feel happy about themselves. While happy people who talk about how good life is spread positive energy, people who talk about their faults and mistakes and unfortunate experiences all the time, radiate negative energy, thus bringing down the overall level of happiness around them.
So know your shortcomings, work hard to remove them from your lives, but don’t broadcast them to the world in the hope of getting some sympathy back from the others.
The Seventh Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : If you have too much hair on your legs, might as well tell the world about it. Someone might offer a magic solution to get rid of them. True or False.
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Keep working toward improving yorsellf. The crown is not as far as you think it is ! Till next month then.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE SIXTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Stop Complaining About Yourself
If you think there's something wrong with you, no one will argue with you. They will agree with you whole heartedly. Think of how many times you hear statements like these :
“Oh, I’ve put on so much weight on my thighs. I need to spend more time in the gym.”
“My boyfriend is so insensitive.”
“My hair is so unmanageable.”
“I wish my parents were a little more liberal.”
“Wish I could give up smoking.”
“I’ve been very unfortunate in my relationships.” ……. etc.
Each one of us has features or habits or experiences that we could really do without. If by now you have adopted the First challenge of Congeniality ie you have learnt how to love yourself (Jun issue), the number of these things must have reduced drastically. However, some of our grievances still remain. There should be some magic mantra to wish them away, but (sigh) …..there isn’t ! But there is one more thing you can do to minimize the effect of these unfortunate things and also appear more pleasant to those around you ………Stop complaining about yourself. Because, if you don’t, you will only highlight things that are wrong about you, and the others will not disbelieve you. There is something worse that also happens alongside. Just like people who constantly boast about themselves, those who continuously talk about their shortcomings also fall in the ‘I, me and myself’ category. Imagine how boring it is to listen to people who go on and on about ‘I this’ and ‘me that’. They keep the focus on themselves and most times the others tend to make a face and tune off.
There are 2 good reasons why you should stop complaining all the time. The first reason is in the para above. The second reason, which is equally important, is that saying negative things also does not make those around you feel happy about themselves. While happy people who talk about how good life is spread positive energy, people who talk about their faults and mistakes and unfortunate experiences all the time, radiate negative energy, thus bringing down the overall level of happiness around them.
So know your shortcomings, work hard to remove them from your lives, but don’t broadcast them to the world in the hope of getting some sympathy back from the others.
The Seventh Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : If you have too much hair on your legs, might as well tell the world about it. Someone might offer a magic solution to get rid of them. True or False.
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Keep working toward improving yorsellf. The crown is not as far as you think it is ! Till next month then.
Ms Congeniality - IV
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FOURTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Two pageant contestants are talking to each other.
Sonalika says, “Right after the contest I’m going to Allahabad to visit my 97 year old grandmother.”
Ankita replies with, “Oh, I was in Allahabad once. It’s got such horrible weather. Not a happening place at all ! I’d rather go to Mumbai or Bangalore.”
What do you think of this conversation ? Rather insensitive on Ankita’s part, wasn’t it ?
Ankita was a bad listener. She only heard the first half of what was said and started to say what she thought was right. She failed to see the reason why Sonalika said what she said. Sonalika actually was a little concerned that her grandma was getting by in years. She was not keeping too well. She could die anytime. Sonalika knew that granny was very lonely since grandpa died 14 years ago. She had not seen her for over six months now and really wanted to go and see her. But Ankita, who did not listen, changed the entire message around and brought it down to a discussion about which cities were hot and happening.
If I was Ankita, I would have replied with, “97 !!…..omg….. is she keeping well ? Do you get to see her often?”
This would give Sonalika a chance to say what was actually bothering her. She could off load her tension and Ankita would then start to become her good friend.
In our enthusiasm and our desire to express ourselves, we forget to listen to what is being said; we just plain stop listening! In the bargain, we lose little opportunities of making friends. Listen well so that you know what to say next. Here are some suggestions that you may follow to become good listeners. Some of them may seem obvious, but it is amazing how many times we forget them and unintentionally insult the speaker.
1. Let others finish saying what they have to.
As the speaker is saying something, she will often reveal valuable clues that will help you satisfy her needs. This also saves time and avoids useless and frivolous discussion about things that the speaker
has no interest in.
2. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time.
If you are one of those who is always anxious to add your own views, you often attempt to interrupt with comments while another person is speaking. This invasion of random comments actually slows the conversation. Wait, you will get your chance to say something. And what you say will be more relevant after you have heard the other person out.
3. Listen for the main ideas.
Specific facts (like, ‘right after the contest’, and, ‘Allahabad’ in the above example) are only important as they pertain to the main theme. If you hear them in isolation, they will often cause misinterpretation and can be taken out of context because you pre-empted the main point thinking you knew what was going to be said.
4. Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots.
One of the biggest blocks to good listening is your own preconceptions and your prejudices. When a word is spoken that triggers your own thoughts your mind wanders off. This chain reaction produces a dead spot in your listening. Don't let your prejudices or triggers take you or the conversation to places you really don't want to go.
5. Fight off distractions.
Don't let ringing telephones, passersby or other things distract you.
6. React to the message, not the person.
Don't let your feelings about the speaker influence your understanding of what is being said. Sometimes the best thoughts come from people who you think are not worth listening to.
7. Take advantage of feedback.
Ask, "let me see if I understand what you are saying. Then repeat what you think you heard. This gives you a chance to correct any misunderstanding before things get out of hand and go down the
wrong path to a dead end.
Start using these suggestions while you listen from now on and see how it endears you to those you communicate with.
The Fifth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : Is this statement True or False ? While listening you should always react to the person, not to the message being said.
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Stay cool, I’ll catch you next month.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE FOURTH CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Two pageant contestants are talking to each other.
Sonalika says, “Right after the contest I’m going to Allahabad to visit my 97 year old grandmother.”
Ankita replies with, “Oh, I was in Allahabad once. It’s got such horrible weather. Not a happening place at all ! I’d rather go to Mumbai or Bangalore.”
What do you think of this conversation ? Rather insensitive on Ankita’s part, wasn’t it ?
Ankita was a bad listener. She only heard the first half of what was said and started to say what she thought was right. She failed to see the reason why Sonalika said what she said. Sonalika actually was a little concerned that her grandma was getting by in years. She was not keeping too well. She could die anytime. Sonalika knew that granny was very lonely since grandpa died 14 years ago. She had not seen her for over six months now and really wanted to go and see her. But Ankita, who did not listen, changed the entire message around and brought it down to a discussion about which cities were hot and happening.
If I was Ankita, I would have replied with, “97 !!…..omg….. is she keeping well ? Do you get to see her often?”
This would give Sonalika a chance to say what was actually bothering her. She could off load her tension and Ankita would then start to become her good friend.
In our enthusiasm and our desire to express ourselves, we forget to listen to what is being said; we just plain stop listening! In the bargain, we lose little opportunities of making friends. Listen well so that you know what to say next. Here are some suggestions that you may follow to become good listeners. Some of them may seem obvious, but it is amazing how many times we forget them and unintentionally insult the speaker.
1. Let others finish saying what they have to.
As the speaker is saying something, she will often reveal valuable clues that will help you satisfy her needs. This also saves time and avoids useless and frivolous discussion about things that the speaker
has no interest in.
2. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time.
If you are one of those who is always anxious to add your own views, you often attempt to interrupt with comments while another person is speaking. This invasion of random comments actually slows the conversation. Wait, you will get your chance to say something. And what you say will be more relevant after you have heard the other person out.
3. Listen for the main ideas.
Specific facts (like, ‘right after the contest’, and, ‘Allahabad’ in the above example) are only important as they pertain to the main theme. If you hear them in isolation, they will often cause misinterpretation and can be taken out of context because you pre-empted the main point thinking you knew what was going to be said.
4. Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots.
One of the biggest blocks to good listening is your own preconceptions and your prejudices. When a word is spoken that triggers your own thoughts your mind wanders off. This chain reaction produces a dead spot in your listening. Don't let your prejudices or triggers take you or the conversation to places you really don't want to go.
5. Fight off distractions.
Don't let ringing telephones, passersby or other things distract you.
6. React to the message, not the person.
Don't let your feelings about the speaker influence your understanding of what is being said. Sometimes the best thoughts come from people who you think are not worth listening to.
7. Take advantage of feedback.
Ask, "let me see if I understand what you are saying. Then repeat what you think you heard. This gives you a chance to correct any misunderstanding before things get out of hand and go down the
wrong path to a dead end.
Start using these suggestions while you listen from now on and see how it endears you to those you communicate with.
The Fifth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : Is this statement True or False ? While listening you should always react to the person, not to the message being said.
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Stay cool, I’ll catch you next month.
Ms Congeniality - III
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE THIRD CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Have you ever been to a restaurant where the waiter spits in your food before he brings it to your table? Ugh! I know it’s yucky and makes your stomach churn, but a lot of restaurants have waiters who do this. You needn’t be bothered though, if you follow one little piece of advice. Change all your complaints and criticism of the others into requests. You would ask me, how? It’s easy.
When complaining in a restaurant, some people will say, “Waiter, this bloody soup is awful. Can’t you guys even serve a decent soup in your lousy restaurant ?”
Some others would put it across differently. Like, “Waiter, my soup’s not tasting right, and I like it really hot, can you get me another one, please !”
The way the waiter responds in both these situations could be very different. In both these cases, he will take the soup back into the kitchen and curse that fellow. He will then get another soup to the satisfaction of the customer and serve it to him. Except that in the first case, there is a good chance that he would try and do something that would avenge the slight accorded to him by the customer. His focus will not be on giving the customer what he wants. He will, instead, want to do something to make himself forget the disrespect and abuse with which the customer treated him. He might just spit in the soup, or something similar so that when the customer eats that soup, he can chuckle to himself and silently say, ‘take that, you idiot.”
Criticism usually puts people on the defensive and doesn't get the results we want. When put on the defensive, people's capacity to listen and comply with your demands goes down. Their attention and energy will often go into some combination of defending their position, saving face & counter-attacking. Only when they feel safe are they likely to listen and consider how they might meet our needs. By translating your complaint into a request you, therefore, change the role you are asking the other person to play.
While complaining or criticizing someone, your aim should be clear, that you want things changed from what they are. As long as you are clear about this, you won’t go wrong. Don’t get personal and don’t use generalizations while complaining. Ask for what you want by using specific, action-oriented, positive language. Here are some examples.
"Don't be so inconsiderate! Just keep quiet yaar !" could be restated as: "Please don’t make that noise. I’m trying to sleep because we have an early morning shoot."
"Somebody ought to order some food." could be restated as: "Would you order some food because we’re all very hungry."
"Turn down that music!" could be restated as: "Hi. I am in the room next to yours and your music is really booming through the walls. Would you please turn it down so I can concentrate on my work."
Remember, changing your complaints into action oriented words will not only make you more congenial to the others, but also increase the chances of your getting what you want. Similarly, you can reverse the situation. When someone makes a complaint to you and does not word it properly, don’t get angry. Instead, understand where that person is coming from, why she’s saying what she’s saying, and what is it that she wants. Convert that into a request in your own head and see what you can do about it.
The Fourth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : Is it right to generalize a complaint and say,” You never come on time.”
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Stay cool, I’ll catch you next month.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE THIRD CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
Have you ever been to a restaurant where the waiter spits in your food before he brings it to your table? Ugh! I know it’s yucky and makes your stomach churn, but a lot of restaurants have waiters who do this. You needn’t be bothered though, if you follow one little piece of advice. Change all your complaints and criticism of the others into requests. You would ask me, how? It’s easy.
When complaining in a restaurant, some people will say, “Waiter, this bloody soup is awful. Can’t you guys even serve a decent soup in your lousy restaurant ?”
Some others would put it across differently. Like, “Waiter, my soup’s not tasting right, and I like it really hot, can you get me another one, please !”
The way the waiter responds in both these situations could be very different. In both these cases, he will take the soup back into the kitchen and curse that fellow. He will then get another soup to the satisfaction of the customer and serve it to him. Except that in the first case, there is a good chance that he would try and do something that would avenge the slight accorded to him by the customer. His focus will not be on giving the customer what he wants. He will, instead, want to do something to make himself forget the disrespect and abuse with which the customer treated him. He might just spit in the soup, or something similar so that when the customer eats that soup, he can chuckle to himself and silently say, ‘take that, you idiot.”
Criticism usually puts people on the defensive and doesn't get the results we want. When put on the defensive, people's capacity to listen and comply with your demands goes down. Their attention and energy will often go into some combination of defending their position, saving face & counter-attacking. Only when they feel safe are they likely to listen and consider how they might meet our needs. By translating your complaint into a request you, therefore, change the role you are asking the other person to play.
While complaining or criticizing someone, your aim should be clear, that you want things changed from what they are. As long as you are clear about this, you won’t go wrong. Don’t get personal and don’t use generalizations while complaining. Ask for what you want by using specific, action-oriented, positive language. Here are some examples.
"Don't be so inconsiderate! Just keep quiet yaar !" could be restated as: "Please don’t make that noise. I’m trying to sleep because we have an early morning shoot."
"Somebody ought to order some food." could be restated as: "Would you order some food because we’re all very hungry."
"Turn down that music!" could be restated as: "Hi. I am in the room next to yours and your music is really booming through the walls. Would you please turn it down so I can concentrate on my work."
Remember, changing your complaints into action oriented words will not only make you more congenial to the others, but also increase the chances of your getting what you want. Similarly, you can reverse the situation. When someone makes a complaint to you and does not word it properly, don’t get angry. Instead, understand where that person is coming from, why she’s saying what she’s saying, and what is it that she wants. Convert that into a request in your own head and see what you can do about it.
The Fourth Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me. It’ll help you on your way to the crown. Plus it’s easy because the answer to the question lies somewhere in this article.
The Question : Is it right to generalize a complaint and say,” You never come on time.”
Shoot off your answer to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
Stay cool, I’ll catch you next month.
Ms Congeniality - II
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE SECOND CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
The Ms Congeniality sub contest, that is an important part of every prestigious pageant, is judged by the contestants themselves. They vote for each other and decide who, amongst them, was the most caring, friendly and warm during the entire length of the contest.
We tackled the first Challenge of congeniality in the last issue. If you’re ready, here comes the second.
Very often we hear people making statements like :
Anyone who uses curse words is obviously stupid and uneducated!
People who like Rap don’t know anything about music!
Women who wear short skirts are sluts !
If you look more closely, you will also find that some people are more prone to making statements like these, and most times these people are the ones that are generally disliked amongst friends. So what’s wrong with making statements like the ones above ? The answer is that unknown to them, these people have a particularly unattractive trait. They are all being judgmental. Often, these judgments are based on their own prejudice and bias and their far-reaching pronouncements are based on limited information.
Yet, when we meet other people, it is only natural to notice good or bad things about them and form opinions, none of us can help that ! So how does making opinions about others differ from being judgmental?
Judgments are often made in authoritative terms; they dictate what is right and wrong, what should and should not be, what is good or bad. Making a simple opinion, however, does not carry these ominous overtones. Shireen has poor table manners is an opinion. But the judgmental person would add something to the opinion, such as (therefore), she’s a slob who comes from a bad family!
They say, “Hate the sin, not the sinner”.
In forming opinions, there is no moral overtone, no further conclusions are drawn, no inferences are made about the person’s character. We just have our observation. As soon as we add therefore to the observation we are likely to be judgmental. He talks very slowly, is an observation, therefore, he must be stupid is a judgmental conclusion.
If you look out for your ‘therefores’ you are less likely to sit in judgment over your fellow human beings, which will be good for you and them. Otherwise you will seem to always look down on others, and imply that you are so much better … and that creates division between you and the others.
When you first arrive as a pageant contestant you are going to meet many new people who you would have to work closely with for the next few days. You will notice things about the other contestants that may appear good or bad to you, but to form an opinion about them based on your first impressions will be suicidal. Go that extra yard to try and find out why they do or say what they do. Once you know the reason, you will appreciate the individuals a lot more. The flip side is that in return, the others also seem to start liking you more.
So form an opinion and voice it if you want, but stop yourself there and don’t add ‘therefore’ to make a judgment.
The Third Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me.
The Question : What is the main difference between forming an opinion and passing a judgment ?
The answer is somewhere within this article. Shoot off your answers to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
See you next month.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY : THE SECOND CHALLENGE OF BEING CONGENIAL
The Ms Congeniality sub contest, that is an important part of every prestigious pageant, is judged by the contestants themselves. They vote for each other and decide who, amongst them, was the most caring, friendly and warm during the entire length of the contest.
We tackled the first Challenge of congeniality in the last issue. If you’re ready, here comes the second.
Very often we hear people making statements like :
Anyone who uses curse words is obviously stupid and uneducated!
People who like Rap don’t know anything about music!
Women who wear short skirts are sluts !
If you look more closely, you will also find that some people are more prone to making statements like these, and most times these people are the ones that are generally disliked amongst friends. So what’s wrong with making statements like the ones above ? The answer is that unknown to them, these people have a particularly unattractive trait. They are all being judgmental. Often, these judgments are based on their own prejudice and bias and their far-reaching pronouncements are based on limited information.
Yet, when we meet other people, it is only natural to notice good or bad things about them and form opinions, none of us can help that ! So how does making opinions about others differ from being judgmental?
Judgments are often made in authoritative terms; they dictate what is right and wrong, what should and should not be, what is good or bad. Making a simple opinion, however, does not carry these ominous overtones. Shireen has poor table manners is an opinion. But the judgmental person would add something to the opinion, such as (therefore), she’s a slob who comes from a bad family!
They say, “Hate the sin, not the sinner”.
In forming opinions, there is no moral overtone, no further conclusions are drawn, no inferences are made about the person’s character. We just have our observation. As soon as we add therefore to the observation we are likely to be judgmental. He talks very slowly, is an observation, therefore, he must be stupid is a judgmental conclusion.
If you look out for your ‘therefores’ you are less likely to sit in judgment over your fellow human beings, which will be good for you and them. Otherwise you will seem to always look down on others, and imply that you are so much better … and that creates division between you and the others.
When you first arrive as a pageant contestant you are going to meet many new people who you would have to work closely with for the next few days. You will notice things about the other contestants that may appear good or bad to you, but to form an opinion about them based on your first impressions will be suicidal. Go that extra yard to try and find out why they do or say what they do. Once you know the reason, you will appreciate the individuals a lot more. The flip side is that in return, the others also seem to start liking you more.
So form an opinion and voice it if you want, but stop yourself there and don’t add ‘therefore’ to make a judgment.
The Third Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this month’s simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me.
The Question : What is the main difference between forming an opinion and passing a judgment ?
The answer is somewhere within this article. Shoot off your answers to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com. The lucky winner will be notified by e mail.
See you next month.
Ms Congeniality - I
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY
Once upon a time, a serial killer indicated that his next target would be someone in the Miss USA beauty pageant. So the FBI decided that they must get an undercover agent to enter as a participant in the contest. The only available and suitable candidate is a bumbling female agent. Reluctantly, they enter her in the contest, replacing a contestant from the state of New Jersey who was discovered to have acted in a porno film. The organizers are aghast about the FBI agent appearing in the pageant, but arrange a top trainer (probably someone like me ! heh heh) to give her a quick makeover, with the expected outstanding results. Like all happy stories, the killer is caught in the end. You’ve all probably seen this movie. I am talking about Ms Congeniality where Sandra Bullock plays the undercover agent and enters the pageant as a contestant. She also eventually wins the Ms Congeniality title.
All beauty pageants worth their name have the Ms Congeniality title as one of the important sub contests because, to win it, all contestants try and be at their best behavior with each other, even when the organizers and judges are not watching. This lends itself to a more convivial atmosphere all around during the days leading up to the pageant and hence, is important to the pageant itself being a success. Some pageants call it Ms Amity, though the qualities required to win it are essentially the same. Amity means friendship, and congeniality means being pleasant, kind, and helpful.
In the next few issues, I’m going to take you through the art of being congenial. We’ll try and see what behavioral qualities you need to adopt to become Ms Congeniality. This will help you not just in a pageant, but in life in general as you will learn to be a better friend.
I have drawn up for you, what I call the Seven Challenges of Congeniality. One by one, let’s see what these challenges are. From this issue onwards, we are also starting a contest. You will be asked one question, and from out of the correct answers, one lucky winner will be chosen by a draw of lots. The winner will get 3 sessions of one to one training with me, free of cost. The answer to the question will always be somewhere within the article itself, so read on, carefully !
The First Challenge of Congeniality is : Learn to Love Yourself.
Feel Good about Yourself, that’s where you have to start. Here are a few pointers to help you on your way.
1. If you must examine your faults, do so with the mirror, not a magnifying glass – don't allow them to get out of proportion. Don't say, "I'm buried in debt." Say, "I owe Rs 10,000 in loans."
2. Learn to do without the word "should". Don’t say, "I should have finished that job on Friday," substitute the word "could". Realize you have the option of exercising your own choice.
3.Rethink your mistakes as lessons learnt, which will help you to forgive yourself for the mistake and prevent future ones.
4. Next time somebody compliments you, don't automatically protest, as some people do, but gracefully accept the complement.
5. Discard the myth of perfection. Nobody does everything perfectly.
6. Never compare yourself with others; the point is to improve on your own performance.
7. Give yourself time to feel good. When you reach an objective, allow for a period of celebration before going on to the next goal.
8. Give yourself a pep talk. Encourage yourself just as you would encourage your best friend, or as a best friend would do for you.
9. Wake up happy. Begin each day with a fun routine. Sing in the shower. If you're not already in a cheerful mood, put on your favorite song or CD; load it into your music system the night before.
10. Start each morning with a vision of yourself doing all the right things at work, at play and at home. Mentally rehearse the act of winning, just as the professional performers and athletes do.
11. Don't wait to get sick to take care of your health. Have a salad for lunch. Sign up for a gym. Snack on fruit instead of junk food.
12. Even if you're not feeling confident, act as if you are. Soon you will realize you're no longer faking it.
13. Affirm your power to change – or to remain the same. If you aren't ready to give up a bad habit such as smoking, accept that at this time you choose this habit as a method of coping, and that you can soon choose to replace it with a healthier one.
Start with these tips, learn to love yourself, because only if you allow yourself these liberties, will you be able to grant others their shortcomings and learn to treat them with more congeniality.
The Second Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me.
The Question : What state of the United States of America does Sandra bullock represent in the movie 'Miss Congeniality'?
The answer is somewhere within this article. Shoot off your answers to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com.
See you next time.
~Yuri~
MS CONGENIALITY
Once upon a time, a serial killer indicated that his next target would be someone in the Miss USA beauty pageant. So the FBI decided that they must get an undercover agent to enter as a participant in the contest. The only available and suitable candidate is a bumbling female agent. Reluctantly, they enter her in the contest, replacing a contestant from the state of New Jersey who was discovered to have acted in a porno film. The organizers are aghast about the FBI agent appearing in the pageant, but arrange a top trainer (probably someone like me ! heh heh) to give her a quick makeover, with the expected outstanding results. Like all happy stories, the killer is caught in the end. You’ve all probably seen this movie. I am talking about Ms Congeniality where Sandra Bullock plays the undercover agent and enters the pageant as a contestant. She also eventually wins the Ms Congeniality title.
All beauty pageants worth their name have the Ms Congeniality title as one of the important sub contests because, to win it, all contestants try and be at their best behavior with each other, even when the organizers and judges are not watching. This lends itself to a more convivial atmosphere all around during the days leading up to the pageant and hence, is important to the pageant itself being a success. Some pageants call it Ms Amity, though the qualities required to win it are essentially the same. Amity means friendship, and congeniality means being pleasant, kind, and helpful.
In the next few issues, I’m going to take you through the art of being congenial. We’ll try and see what behavioral qualities you need to adopt to become Ms Congeniality. This will help you not just in a pageant, but in life in general as you will learn to be a better friend.
I have drawn up for you, what I call the Seven Challenges of Congeniality. One by one, let’s see what these challenges are. From this issue onwards, we are also starting a contest. You will be asked one question, and from out of the correct answers, one lucky winner will be chosen by a draw of lots. The winner will get 3 sessions of one to one training with me, free of cost. The answer to the question will always be somewhere within the article itself, so read on, carefully !
The First Challenge of Congeniality is : Learn to Love Yourself.
Feel Good about Yourself, that’s where you have to start. Here are a few pointers to help you on your way.
1. If you must examine your faults, do so with the mirror, not a magnifying glass – don't allow them to get out of proportion. Don't say, "I'm buried in debt." Say, "I owe Rs 10,000 in loans."
2. Learn to do without the word "should". Don’t say, "I should have finished that job on Friday," substitute the word "could". Realize you have the option of exercising your own choice.
3.Rethink your mistakes as lessons learnt, which will help you to forgive yourself for the mistake and prevent future ones.
4. Next time somebody compliments you, don't automatically protest, as some people do, but gracefully accept the complement.
5. Discard the myth of perfection. Nobody does everything perfectly.
6. Never compare yourself with others; the point is to improve on your own performance.
7. Give yourself time to feel good. When you reach an objective, allow for a period of celebration before going on to the next goal.
8. Give yourself a pep talk. Encourage yourself just as you would encourage your best friend, or as a best friend would do for you.
9. Wake up happy. Begin each day with a fun routine. Sing in the shower. If you're not already in a cheerful mood, put on your favorite song or CD; load it into your music system the night before.
10. Start each morning with a vision of yourself doing all the right things at work, at play and at home. Mentally rehearse the act of winning, just as the professional performers and athletes do.
11. Don't wait to get sick to take care of your health. Have a salad for lunch. Sign up for a gym. Snack on fruit instead of junk food.
12. Even if you're not feeling confident, act as if you are. Soon you will realize you're no longer faking it.
13. Affirm your power to change – or to remain the same. If you aren't ready to give up a bad habit such as smoking, accept that at this time you choose this habit as a method of coping, and that you can soon choose to replace it with a healthier one.
Start with these tips, learn to love yourself, because only if you allow yourself these liberties, will you be able to grant others their shortcomings and learn to treat them with more congeniality.
The Second Challenge of Congeniality coming up in the next issue. In the mean time, answer this simple question and win yourself 3 free one-on-one training sessions with me.
The Question : What state of the United States of America does Sandra bullock represent in the movie 'Miss Congeniality'?
The answer is somewhere within this article. Shoot off your answers to yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com.
See you next time.
Learn To Party Hard
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
LEARN TO PARTY HARD
I promised you that we’ll do something exciting in this issue. So how about partying. If any potential Miss India knows how to work hard, she also knows how to party hard. It is as important as being able to perform well on the pageant stage.
The judging of a pageant starts much before the actual night. Normally, all big pageants have what is normally called a training camp where all the contestants are taken through the strides and trained in various aspects of the pageant. Also, the final show choreography is worked out and rehearsed during this training. Some of the pre-contests like Miss Body Beautiful, Miss Beautiful Hair, Miss Gorgeous Smile and the Miss Talent are judged during this training period too.
So, if all the contestants are shacked up in a hotel or resort for an extended period of time, say a week or even a month, they do get together at the end of every grueling day for dinner, and are most times joined by the trainers, the organizers, and sometimes, even the odd judges. Needless to say that every action of theirs is being watched closely, every word uttered by them is being taken in by those who matter.
I recently had the privilege of training the contestants of the Miss India World pageant, where a girl called Gunjan Sarabhai won the crown. I would not say that Gunjan’s crowning was a foregone conclusion, because every contestant there offered tough competition, especially girl’s like Divya Parameshwaran from Bangalore, Pooja Kanwal, Catherine, and Priyanka Singh from Pune, but then, from the few days that the girls spent in the Botanix resort near Delhi, a clear picture started to emerge, not only from the training sessions, but also from the bonfire parties that followed in the night.
The way you sit and make conversation with total strangers, the way you hold your glass, the way you serve your plate, your eating habits, your sense of humor, your spirit of bonhomie on fun occasions, your ability to take life a little more lightly in the face of building tension as the big night approaches and many other such small traits make or mar the title for you. They could give you a clear edge over the others much before the contest has even started.
The catch here lies in not only learning all the right graces, but at the same time, forgetting that you are a contestant at the time of the social evenings. Most contestants cannot do this and fall for the bait. They try and make use of these evenings to score a point with the judges and behave or make utterances that they wouldn’t otherwise. The tendency to prove that you are a cut above the rest, the eagerness to act a little over smart, makes you act in an unwarranted manner, makes you say things that you might regret when you put your head down on the pillow that night, makes you curse yourself and lowers your self esteem to an extent that your performance starts to deteriorate right from the next morning. I spoke with Gunjan, Divya and Priyanka at length at a bonfire party. What appealed most to me was their ability to talk about life and fun in general, keeping the focus away from themselves. They seemed to be interested in the person they were talking to. They did not seem to remember that the contest was about to happen in a few days, a contest that could change their lives forever. And most of all, they seemed to be having fun doing that. Having the ability to do that is not possessed by most contestants, but is an asset by itself. The good news is, that this ability can be learnt. At a later stage in these series of articles I will talk about learning the art of having fun as well as being a great conversationalist. Till then, keep these issues at the back of your minds and remember, it is important to show your class at all times, whether you’re working hard during the training sessions, or partying hard later in the evenings.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
Keep polishing your skills till then. If you’ve missed out on a few issues of Models n Trends, get them from your friends and read them, every tip is as important as the next one. Most of all, remember, the crown is not as difficult as it might appear to be. Lots of love and I’ll catch you next issue with more.
~Yuri~
LEARN TO PARTY HARD
I promised you that we’ll do something exciting in this issue. So how about partying. If any potential Miss India knows how to work hard, she also knows how to party hard. It is as important as being able to perform well on the pageant stage.
The judging of a pageant starts much before the actual night. Normally, all big pageants have what is normally called a training camp where all the contestants are taken through the strides and trained in various aspects of the pageant. Also, the final show choreography is worked out and rehearsed during this training. Some of the pre-contests like Miss Body Beautiful, Miss Beautiful Hair, Miss Gorgeous Smile and the Miss Talent are judged during this training period too.
So, if all the contestants are shacked up in a hotel or resort for an extended period of time, say a week or even a month, they do get together at the end of every grueling day for dinner, and are most times joined by the trainers, the organizers, and sometimes, even the odd judges. Needless to say that every action of theirs is being watched closely, every word uttered by them is being taken in by those who matter.
I recently had the privilege of training the contestants of the Miss India World pageant, where a girl called Gunjan Sarabhai won the crown. I would not say that Gunjan’s crowning was a foregone conclusion, because every contestant there offered tough competition, especially girl’s like Divya Parameshwaran from Bangalore, Pooja Kanwal, Catherine, and Priyanka Singh from Pune, but then, from the few days that the girls spent in the Botanix resort near Delhi, a clear picture started to emerge, not only from the training sessions, but also from the bonfire parties that followed in the night.
The way you sit and make conversation with total strangers, the way you hold your glass, the way you serve your plate, your eating habits, your sense of humor, your spirit of bonhomie on fun occasions, your ability to take life a little more lightly in the face of building tension as the big night approaches and many other such small traits make or mar the title for you. They could give you a clear edge over the others much before the contest has even started.
The catch here lies in not only learning all the right graces, but at the same time, forgetting that you are a contestant at the time of the social evenings. Most contestants cannot do this and fall for the bait. They try and make use of these evenings to score a point with the judges and behave or make utterances that they wouldn’t otherwise. The tendency to prove that you are a cut above the rest, the eagerness to act a little over smart, makes you act in an unwarranted manner, makes you say things that you might regret when you put your head down on the pillow that night, makes you curse yourself and lowers your self esteem to an extent that your performance starts to deteriorate right from the next morning. I spoke with Gunjan, Divya and Priyanka at length at a bonfire party. What appealed most to me was their ability to talk about life and fun in general, keeping the focus away from themselves. They seemed to be interested in the person they were talking to. They did not seem to remember that the contest was about to happen in a few days, a contest that could change their lives forever. And most of all, they seemed to be having fun doing that. Having the ability to do that is not possessed by most contestants, but is an asset by itself. The good news is, that this ability can be learnt. At a later stage in these series of articles I will talk about learning the art of having fun as well as being a great conversationalist. Till then, keep these issues at the back of your minds and remember, it is important to show your class at all times, whether you’re working hard during the training sessions, or partying hard later in the evenings.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
Keep polishing your skills till then. If you’ve missed out on a few issues of Models n Trends, get them from your friends and read them, every tip is as important as the next one. Most of all, remember, the crown is not as difficult as it might appear to be. Lots of love and I’ll catch you next issue with more.
Vocal Qualities : Modulation
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
MODULATE YOUR VOICE
You heard Sush and Ash’s story in the last issue. If you’re all charged up, let’s continue polishing our communication skills from where we left off in the issue before that. Remember, the Q & A rounds are the most important part of any pageant. We’ve talked about the pitch of your voice and the rate at which you speak. Let’s tackle another important aspect of your vocal skills, modulation.
Modulation is the trait that provides color to the black and white picture that you draw with your words. The words by themselves only provide the outline of a picture. Modulation will further enhance the meaning of what you are trying to put across.
Modulation in the context of human speech is really is the stress that you put on various words by varying the strength, tone or pitch of your voice. An unmodulated voice is like a monotone. Think of all the people who don’t talk well. Most of them will have a modulation problem. They don’t stress on the right words and thereby, don’t provide energy where they ought to. The meaning of the sentence, therefore, is not conveyed. (Remember, verbal skills are only 7 to 8% of your communication, it is the vocal skills like modulation that make up 38% of any good communication).
Modulation is really difficult to explain in a written article like this. The reason, once again, is modulation itself. I cannot demonstrate good and bad modulation just through the written word because you cannot hear my changing tone and pitch as I speak. If I were to train you in person, things would be different. However, let’s try and understand through some examples.
If you were to say the following sentence : “She won the Miss India crown in 2005” in an unmodulated voice, it would convey just that. But suppose you had said this in a conversation about whether either one girl or the other had won, and you point to one of them and say the same thing, you would raise your pitch and volume slightly when you say the word ‘she’. So it will sound like :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
However, if you were talking about a particular girl and wondering whether she won the crown or didn’t, you would say :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
How about if you were discussing whether the girl won the Miss India or the Miss Gladrags contest. You’ll then say :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
Or if the question was about whether it was 2005 or 2006 that she won the crown, you would go like this :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
It all seems simple, but ironically, most people lay stress on the wrong words thereby completely taking away from or at least reducing the intensity of the feeling they are trying to convey.
Modulation is not only about raising the pitch and volume, there are times when you have to lower them too. For instance, if you want to say something very assertively, you will start with a higher pitch and lower it towards the end. This conveys to the listener that you are sure about what you are saying or about what you want. However, if you were to reverse this and raise your pitch towards the end of the sentence, you will be giving the impression that you are doubtful, or that you have a question rather than an assertion. That is why you always raise your pitch when you as a question.
Modulation is this, and much more. However difficult it is to explain through the written word, we will continue to talk about in future articles. To color your speech with the right modulation is an art that all good speakers have mastered. They attract the listener with their modulation and obviously, if the listener is a judge in a pageant, you get more points for saying the same thing ! Makes sense to modulate, doesn’t it ?
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
In the next issue, let’s get away from this tedious communication skills learning and do something exciting. We’ll do it, but remember, this tedious stuff is really very important as it sends out all the right messages that tell the judges that you are Miss India material. Keep your wheel turning and learn these skills, you won’t regret it ! See you next month.
~Yuri~
MODULATE YOUR VOICE
You heard Sush and Ash’s story in the last issue. If you’re all charged up, let’s continue polishing our communication skills from where we left off in the issue before that. Remember, the Q & A rounds are the most important part of any pageant. We’ve talked about the pitch of your voice and the rate at which you speak. Let’s tackle another important aspect of your vocal skills, modulation.
Modulation is the trait that provides color to the black and white picture that you draw with your words. The words by themselves only provide the outline of a picture. Modulation will further enhance the meaning of what you are trying to put across.
Modulation in the context of human speech is really is the stress that you put on various words by varying the strength, tone or pitch of your voice. An unmodulated voice is like a monotone. Think of all the people who don’t talk well. Most of them will have a modulation problem. They don’t stress on the right words and thereby, don’t provide energy where they ought to. The meaning of the sentence, therefore, is not conveyed. (Remember, verbal skills are only 7 to 8% of your communication, it is the vocal skills like modulation that make up 38% of any good communication).
Modulation is really difficult to explain in a written article like this. The reason, once again, is modulation itself. I cannot demonstrate good and bad modulation just through the written word because you cannot hear my changing tone and pitch as I speak. If I were to train you in person, things would be different. However, let’s try and understand through some examples.
If you were to say the following sentence : “She won the Miss India crown in 2005” in an unmodulated voice, it would convey just that. But suppose you had said this in a conversation about whether either one girl or the other had won, and you point to one of them and say the same thing, you would raise your pitch and volume slightly when you say the word ‘she’. So it will sound like :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
However, if you were talking about a particular girl and wondering whether she won the crown or didn’t, you would say :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
How about if you were discussing whether the girl won the Miss India or the Miss Gladrags contest. You’ll then say :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
Or if the question was about whether it was 2005 or 2006 that she won the crown, you would go like this :
She won the Miss India crown in 2005.
It all seems simple, but ironically, most people lay stress on the wrong words thereby completely taking away from or at least reducing the intensity of the feeling they are trying to convey.
Modulation is not only about raising the pitch and volume, there are times when you have to lower them too. For instance, if you want to say something very assertively, you will start with a higher pitch and lower it towards the end. This conveys to the listener that you are sure about what you are saying or about what you want. However, if you were to reverse this and raise your pitch towards the end of the sentence, you will be giving the impression that you are doubtful, or that you have a question rather than an assertion. That is why you always raise your pitch when you as a question.
Modulation is this, and much more. However difficult it is to explain through the written word, we will continue to talk about in future articles. To color your speech with the right modulation is an art that all good speakers have mastered. They attract the listener with their modulation and obviously, if the listener is a judge in a pageant, you get more points for saying the same thing ! Makes sense to modulate, doesn’t it ?
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
In the next issue, let’s get away from this tedious communication skills learning and do something exciting. We’ll do it, but remember, this tedious stuff is really very important as it sends out all the right messages that tell the judges that you are Miss India material. Keep your wheel turning and learn these skills, you won’t regret it ! See you next month.
Be A winner
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
BE A WINNER
There are no short cuts in life. For everything that you win, there is the sacrifice and pain that you have to go through. If you think Sushmita Sen or Aishwarya just got up one morning and decided to win the Miss India pageants, you couldn’t be more wrong. Well of course this is how it actually happened. Except that most people do not know what went on between that morning and the wonderful evening when they wore those crowns. The preparatory year or more that they went through to be able to realize their dream. And believe me, it didn’t just start and finish on the ramp. The ramp was just an essential part they trained themselves for. They toiled for months to groom themselves in various fields and eventually emerge winners. They learnt to speak well, increased their awareness of the world, improved their diction, modulation, mannerism. And all this with a clear goal that they both believed in. Ash was the favorite to win, ask anyone, and Sush had all the reason to believe that she could not win.
Here’s an interesting story that goes with that magical evening when Sush and Ash changed the way the country looks at beauty pageants.
Aishwarya was so amazingly good looking that most of the prospective contestants, when they heard she was competing, withdrew their names that year. It is believed that Sushmita was also one of them. But her mother, Shubra Sen, coaxed her into entering the contest. Sush comes from a fine Air Force family, went to school at the Golden Jubilee Air Force School in Delhi, and both her parents are polished and well spoken. Even then, she went through a lot of coaching in proper diction and speaking.
From being in two minds about entering the contest, she arrived at the pageant brimming with confidence, but yet the dark horse. The preliminaries happened and Ash was leading all the way. In fact, Aishwarya won all the major sub contests including the swimsuit round in which Sush was not even in the first 10.
To cut a long story short, Sushmita did not lose heart, she continued to perform as if her life depended on it. Eventually, the final 9 contestants were short listed. Of course, Sushmita was one of them. The final 5 was announced after a question answer round. Sushmita would not give up. No one knew it then but Ash was leading at that stage and Sush had caught up to a close second place. Ash was in any case the favorite to win. And then the final question was answered by the chosen 5. Here are the results. Jasmeet Kaur who is now a famous model known as Jaessae Randhawa and Shweta Menon, who you have probably seen in many Bollywood films, made the 5th and 4th position. Francesca Hart who represented India in the Miss International later that year, made the second runner up. That only left Ash and Sush…… and hear this, their scores were exactly equal…… it was a tie. For the first time in the Miss India pageant, they used a tie breaker to resolve the issue. At the end of it, Sushmita Sen scored 9.40 while Aishwarya Rai got 9.39. The difference was just 0.01, but Sush had done it ! Namrata Shirodkar put the crown on her head.
Do you see where hard work and self belief can lead you ! I told you this story just so that you stay motivated. Along with that, please realize that becoming a Miss India is not just all glamour, fame and parties. That too, but a little later. You have to groom yourself for months before the pageant so that your performance is flawless. It gets boring sometimes and at that time you have to motivate yourself by imagining all the good things that come with winning.
In the last 6 issues of Models n Trends you’ve been reading about the preparation prior to a pageant. We have recently been talking about speaking skills. In the next issue, we will continue with that and later go on to other skills. But once in a while, I’ll keep telling you about the greats in the business, because unless you are single minded and focused, I’ll have a tough job keeping you on track. Keep that effort going, winning the crown is not as difficult as you think !
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
~Yuri~
BE A WINNER
There are no short cuts in life. For everything that you win, there is the sacrifice and pain that you have to go through. If you think Sushmita Sen or Aishwarya just got up one morning and decided to win the Miss India pageants, you couldn’t be more wrong. Well of course this is how it actually happened. Except that most people do not know what went on between that morning and the wonderful evening when they wore those crowns. The preparatory year or more that they went through to be able to realize their dream. And believe me, it didn’t just start and finish on the ramp. The ramp was just an essential part they trained themselves for. They toiled for months to groom themselves in various fields and eventually emerge winners. They learnt to speak well, increased their awareness of the world, improved their diction, modulation, mannerism. And all this with a clear goal that they both believed in. Ash was the favorite to win, ask anyone, and Sush had all the reason to believe that she could not win.
Here’s an interesting story that goes with that magical evening when Sush and Ash changed the way the country looks at beauty pageants.
Aishwarya was so amazingly good looking that most of the prospective contestants, when they heard she was competing, withdrew their names that year. It is believed that Sushmita was also one of them. But her mother, Shubra Sen, coaxed her into entering the contest. Sush comes from a fine Air Force family, went to school at the Golden Jubilee Air Force School in Delhi, and both her parents are polished and well spoken. Even then, she went through a lot of coaching in proper diction and speaking.
From being in two minds about entering the contest, she arrived at the pageant brimming with confidence, but yet the dark horse. The preliminaries happened and Ash was leading all the way. In fact, Aishwarya won all the major sub contests including the swimsuit round in which Sush was not even in the first 10.
To cut a long story short, Sushmita did not lose heart, she continued to perform as if her life depended on it. Eventually, the final 9 contestants were short listed. Of course, Sushmita was one of them. The final 5 was announced after a question answer round. Sushmita would not give up. No one knew it then but Ash was leading at that stage and Sush had caught up to a close second place. Ash was in any case the favorite to win. And then the final question was answered by the chosen 5. Here are the results. Jasmeet Kaur who is now a famous model known as Jaessae Randhawa and Shweta Menon, who you have probably seen in many Bollywood films, made the 5th and 4th position. Francesca Hart who represented India in the Miss International later that year, made the second runner up. That only left Ash and Sush…… and hear this, their scores were exactly equal…… it was a tie. For the first time in the Miss India pageant, they used a tie breaker to resolve the issue. At the end of it, Sushmita Sen scored 9.40 while Aishwarya Rai got 9.39. The difference was just 0.01, but Sush had done it ! Namrata Shirodkar put the crown on her head.
Do you see where hard work and self belief can lead you ! I told you this story just so that you stay motivated. Along with that, please realize that becoming a Miss India is not just all glamour, fame and parties. That too, but a little later. You have to groom yourself for months before the pageant so that your performance is flawless. It gets boring sometimes and at that time you have to motivate yourself by imagining all the good things that come with winning.
In the last 6 issues of Models n Trends you’ve been reading about the preparation prior to a pageant. We have recently been talking about speaking skills. In the next issue, we will continue with that and later go on to other skills. But once in a while, I’ll keep telling you about the greats in the business, because unless you are single minded and focused, I’ll have a tough job keeping you on track. Keep that effort going, winning the crown is not as difficult as you think !
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
Vocal Qualities : Rate
Crowns & Roses
~Yuri~
Vocal Qualities : Rate
We spoke about the pitch of your voice in the last issue. Sushmita Sen has a low pitched, husky voice. Amitabh Bachchan has a great voice that is low pitched. With a lower pitch, you sound more in control of yourself. People are more comfortable listening to you and are by and large more accepting of what you say. Let’s get on with the next important vocal quality that you need to have so that you can become a better communicator and multiply your chances of winning that crown.
A majority of young people tend to speak really fast. Talking deliberately with proper enunciation is an art by itself. Talking at a pace of 125 to 150 words per minute is the right thing to do and is easy on the listener. However, any average human is capable of understanding you even if you talk at a much faster rate, even a rate of 600 words per minute, but the problem is, that the faster you speak, the shorter is the gap between your words. If the gap is too short, the tongue has a problem switching from one sound to the other. It has a particularly tough time switching between certain syllables. That is one reason why tongue twisters are hard to recite. Try saying the words ‘Mixed Biscuits’ a number of times at a rapid rate and you will know what I mean. However, a practiced tongue can handle even these tough transitions in sound quite easily. That’s how fast speaking rappers or radio jocks talk fast but are still easily understood by their audience. However, as a participant in a pageant, you are not aiming to speak like a rapper. It is important, therefore, to ensure clarity of words when you speak. Don’t let one word overlap with the other. Finish saying each word and then start the next. Say the punch words deliberately. If each word is said clearly and pronounced the way it is supposed to be, the clarity is good. Also, a slower rate of speech helps your communication to sink into the listener’s head and ensures better understanding. But careful there, a rate which is much slower than the average, is also bad. Slow talkers have what is called a lazy tongue which also detracts from your communication.
The only way to overcome a speech rate problem is practice. Start speaking slower, in fact slower than the acceptable rate to begin with. Pause after every word and say the next word only after completely stopping all sound from your mouth. Sorry about that, but you will sound a little mentally challenged initially. This exercise, though, is to get you used to giving that clean break after every word. You will have to be conscious of your rate every single moment of your talking time. Don’t worry; you won’t have to concentrate for too long. Within about 10 days of concentrating on your rate, you would have built yourself sufficient tongue skill to manage a clean change between your syllables as also gifted yourself a valuable habit….. that of breaking your sound after every word. The result is clarity in communication, and any public figure, including a Miss India or a Mr India, can’t go very far without it.
In the previous article, I spoke about the pitch of the voice. A good pitch and a smart rate of speaking are two important voice qualities. There are a few more that we shall speak of in the coming issues and then switch our discussion to body language. Your performance on the ramp and on the stage in a beauty pageant is heavily dependent on all these factors. However, I cannot possibly foresee individual speech or body language problems that you might have. Feel free to send me an email and discuss you individual problems with me. Some problems are sorted out easily and others might take a few months to overcome, so don’t waste further time, get to your computer and mail me now.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
In the next issue, I’ll talk about another very important quality that can change the way you sound. It’s called modulation. Till then, keep working on your pitch and rate and watch that pageant winner emerge in you. Take care.
~Yuri~
Vocal Qualities : Rate
We spoke about the pitch of your voice in the last issue. Sushmita Sen has a low pitched, husky voice. Amitabh Bachchan has a great voice that is low pitched. With a lower pitch, you sound more in control of yourself. People are more comfortable listening to you and are by and large more accepting of what you say. Let’s get on with the next important vocal quality that you need to have so that you can become a better communicator and multiply your chances of winning that crown.
A majority of young people tend to speak really fast. Talking deliberately with proper enunciation is an art by itself. Talking at a pace of 125 to 150 words per minute is the right thing to do and is easy on the listener. However, any average human is capable of understanding you even if you talk at a much faster rate, even a rate of 600 words per minute, but the problem is, that the faster you speak, the shorter is the gap between your words. If the gap is too short, the tongue has a problem switching from one sound to the other. It has a particularly tough time switching between certain syllables. That is one reason why tongue twisters are hard to recite. Try saying the words ‘Mixed Biscuits’ a number of times at a rapid rate and you will know what I mean. However, a practiced tongue can handle even these tough transitions in sound quite easily. That’s how fast speaking rappers or radio jocks talk fast but are still easily understood by their audience. However, as a participant in a pageant, you are not aiming to speak like a rapper. It is important, therefore, to ensure clarity of words when you speak. Don’t let one word overlap with the other. Finish saying each word and then start the next. Say the punch words deliberately. If each word is said clearly and pronounced the way it is supposed to be, the clarity is good. Also, a slower rate of speech helps your communication to sink into the listener’s head and ensures better understanding. But careful there, a rate which is much slower than the average, is also bad. Slow talkers have what is called a lazy tongue which also detracts from your communication.
The only way to overcome a speech rate problem is practice. Start speaking slower, in fact slower than the acceptable rate to begin with. Pause after every word and say the next word only after completely stopping all sound from your mouth. Sorry about that, but you will sound a little mentally challenged initially. This exercise, though, is to get you used to giving that clean break after every word. You will have to be conscious of your rate every single moment of your talking time. Don’t worry; you won’t have to concentrate for too long. Within about 10 days of concentrating on your rate, you would have built yourself sufficient tongue skill to manage a clean change between your syllables as also gifted yourself a valuable habit….. that of breaking your sound after every word. The result is clarity in communication, and any public figure, including a Miss India or a Mr India, can’t go very far without it.
In the previous article, I spoke about the pitch of the voice. A good pitch and a smart rate of speaking are two important voice qualities. There are a few more that we shall speak of in the coming issues and then switch our discussion to body language. Your performance on the ramp and on the stage in a beauty pageant is heavily dependent on all these factors. However, I cannot possibly foresee individual speech or body language problems that you might have. Feel free to send me an email and discuss you individual problems with me. Some problems are sorted out easily and others might take a few months to overcome, so don’t waste further time, get to your computer and mail me now.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
In the next issue, I’ll talk about another very important quality that can change the way you sound. It’s called modulation. Till then, keep working on your pitch and rate and watch that pageant winner emerge in you. Take care.
Vocal Qualities : Pitch
Crowns & Roses
~Yuri~
What you say is important, but how you say it is even more important.
You would hardly ever see a beauty queen who cannot speak well. I first came across Amruta Patki, Miss India and Miss Earth 2006, when I was training the Miss India contestants in Mumbai. This lady was determined to iron out her speaking faults. She didn’t leave any stone unturned. Even after my training session with the contestants was over, Amruta talked to me everyday and continued to rectify little defects. Slowly but surely, she started to get more self confident. Needless to say that while I was biting my nails watching the Miss India 2006 finals on TV, Amruta called me in an excited voice to tell me that she had won (There is a half hour delay between the actual event happening and the telecast). The battle was won because Amruta accepted that she had problems with her communication and she was willing to overcome them.
Complacency is a big problem with us. Even worse is either ignorance or tendency to not accept some faults in ourselves. As young children, we learn to communicate, and then further build on our skills. However, lack of proper direction and guidance often leads to the wrong communication habits being formed, and these wrong habits consolidate over the years, leading to incorrect and unimpressive communication. Once these habits are formed, you accept them as normal. They, however, continue to irk those who you communicate with. Bringing about a change needs some work, and so, very few people try and change themselves. But if you want that crown, you have to imbibe those qualities that make good communicators sound impressive. What are those various elements that make up your delivery? The special qualities that make Sushmita Sen or Amitabh Bachchan sound good? The nuances that send positive subliminal signals from a charismatic talker to the listener’s mind? These qualities form the ‘Vocal’ element of your communication. Qualities that all great communicators must have.
The first vocal quality is the pitch or frequency of your voice. There is a certain well known cricketer who appears in a lot of TV ads, but sadly enough, he has an extremely shrill, high pitched voice. Many a mature man is handicapped similarly. You also see a lot of ladies with high pitched, babyish voice.
The fact is, a high pitched voice, whether in a man or a woman, is normally associated with an immature person, or someone who does not have total control over her/himself. Notice how your speaking pitch suddenly goes up when you are angry, or when you get very excited, in other words, not in control of yourself. A low pitched voice on the other hand, gives the impression of self confidence and hold over your life.
All voice trainers will tell you to speak from your stomach. Your speech should be originating from the diaphragm that is located between your lungs and your stomach. If you don’t have any other medical problems, it is possible to improve your pitch and voice. Strengthening your diaphragm and making use of it to speak, gives you a nice rich, sexy voice that is attractive to the listener. Here’s an effective exercise for your diaphragm.
Push your diaphragm with both hands (just below the rib cage) using your fingers and you will be able to feel it rising and collapsing when you try and cough. Having identified it, push it again with your fingers, thereby offering it some resistance and shout out the word ‘Hhutt”. Producing this sound tries to force the diaphragm out against the pressure of your fingers. This should be repeated 10 to 12 times at a stretch and done at least twice a day. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t find a change in a week or 10 days. It usually takes much longer to obtain any noticeable results.
Within about 3 months of doing this exercise regularly, you will find that it becomes easier to use your diaphragm when you speak. There will be an extra reserve of breath power that comes out with your speech, and it is this extra reserve that you will use to manipulate a whole lot of things in your voice to make it sound good. Being able to lower your pitch, is one of the benefits. Feel free to e-mail me and ask questions about how to do this exercise or any other doubts that you may have.
Using your diaphragm also has many other inherent advantages and will help you sound good when you are answering the judges during the contest and in the final Q & A round. Let’s talk about this in our subsequent issues. Till then, keep building that confidence, improve your spoken language, and get working on that diaphragm.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
~Yuri~
What you say is important, but how you say it is even more important.
You would hardly ever see a beauty queen who cannot speak well. I first came across Amruta Patki, Miss India and Miss Earth 2006, when I was training the Miss India contestants in Mumbai. This lady was determined to iron out her speaking faults. She didn’t leave any stone unturned. Even after my training session with the contestants was over, Amruta talked to me everyday and continued to rectify little defects. Slowly but surely, she started to get more self confident. Needless to say that while I was biting my nails watching the Miss India 2006 finals on TV, Amruta called me in an excited voice to tell me that she had won (There is a half hour delay between the actual event happening and the telecast). The battle was won because Amruta accepted that she had problems with her communication and she was willing to overcome them.
Complacency is a big problem with us. Even worse is either ignorance or tendency to not accept some faults in ourselves. As young children, we learn to communicate, and then further build on our skills. However, lack of proper direction and guidance often leads to the wrong communication habits being formed, and these wrong habits consolidate over the years, leading to incorrect and unimpressive communication. Once these habits are formed, you accept them as normal. They, however, continue to irk those who you communicate with. Bringing about a change needs some work, and so, very few people try and change themselves. But if you want that crown, you have to imbibe those qualities that make good communicators sound impressive. What are those various elements that make up your delivery? The special qualities that make Sushmita Sen or Amitabh Bachchan sound good? The nuances that send positive subliminal signals from a charismatic talker to the listener’s mind? These qualities form the ‘Vocal’ element of your communication. Qualities that all great communicators must have.
The first vocal quality is the pitch or frequency of your voice. There is a certain well known cricketer who appears in a lot of TV ads, but sadly enough, he has an extremely shrill, high pitched voice. Many a mature man is handicapped similarly. You also see a lot of ladies with high pitched, babyish voice.
The fact is, a high pitched voice, whether in a man or a woman, is normally associated with an immature person, or someone who does not have total control over her/himself. Notice how your speaking pitch suddenly goes up when you are angry, or when you get very excited, in other words, not in control of yourself. A low pitched voice on the other hand, gives the impression of self confidence and hold over your life.
All voice trainers will tell you to speak from your stomach. Your speech should be originating from the diaphragm that is located between your lungs and your stomach. If you don’t have any other medical problems, it is possible to improve your pitch and voice. Strengthening your diaphragm and making use of it to speak, gives you a nice rich, sexy voice that is attractive to the listener. Here’s an effective exercise for your diaphragm.
Push your diaphragm with both hands (just below the rib cage) using your fingers and you will be able to feel it rising and collapsing when you try and cough. Having identified it, push it again with your fingers, thereby offering it some resistance and shout out the word ‘Hhutt”. Producing this sound tries to force the diaphragm out against the pressure of your fingers. This should be repeated 10 to 12 times at a stretch and done at least twice a day. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t find a change in a week or 10 days. It usually takes much longer to obtain any noticeable results.
Within about 3 months of doing this exercise regularly, you will find that it becomes easier to use your diaphragm when you speak. There will be an extra reserve of breath power that comes out with your speech, and it is this extra reserve that you will use to manipulate a whole lot of things in your voice to make it sound good. Being able to lower your pitch, is one of the benefits. Feel free to e-mail me and ask questions about how to do this exercise or any other doubts that you may have.
Using your diaphragm also has many other inherent advantages and will help you sound good when you are answering the judges during the contest and in the final Q & A round. Let’s talk about this in our subsequent issues. Till then, keep building that confidence, improve your spoken language, and get working on that diaphragm.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
Videograph Yourself
Crowns & Roses-4
~Yuri~
One evening I was at Djinns, the once upon a time happening night club at the Hyatt,
Two hours into the evening, there was a major commotion at the entrance. Someone was unsuccessfully trying to gain entry. 15 minutes later, the gatecrashers convinced the guards and the entourage walked in. A portly woman and her husband, followed by one maid, one attendant, a personal body guard. Plus one person holding a video camera. The woman and her husband were probably invitees, you saw them on page 3 every alternate day, but the guard, the personal attendant and the camera guy ! That’s what the commotion was about.
During the rest of the evening, I realized the purpose of the entourage. The body guard was obviously there to protect his masters from the unknown dangers that lurk in page 3 parties, the video camera guy was there to record every movement of madam, and the attendant’s job was to keep reminding madam, whenever she got pre-occupied by the happenings in the party, to face the camera. I later learnt that madam used to carefully watch the videos to correct her mannerism and body language before assigning them to posterity.
This is a wonderful exercise. I am not suggesting that you do what madam did. I am suggesting that you go through this exercise in a slightly different manner. You have to enlist the help of a well-meaning friend. Ask that friend to take a few videos of you, preferably without your being aware of it. They could be at small parties, or when you are talking to someone, or when you are doing various activities like having your dinner, walking, dancing etc. Unlike madam, don’t have an attendant to remind you to look into the camera. In fact, this exercise works only if you are unaware of your video being taken, because then you will behave in a more natural manner, thereby recording how you actually communicate with the world.
The work actually starts once you have these videos. Now, sit down with a couple of friends and watch these films, often to your embarrassment. Watch them at least thrice. The first time with the sound turned off. Catch any awkward body language that you detect in yourself. Your friends, who see you often, will be able to point out any awkward facial expressions and gestures that you didn’t even realize you made. Notice your posture while standing, sitting and doing various other activities. For the second viewing, turn off the picture, only hear the way you talk or make any other sounds. Watch out for any extraneous sounds that you make, sounds like ‘uhh’ and ‘ahh’. Look out for any words that you tend to use too often. Catch any irrelevant words and fillers that repeatedly come out of your mouth, like ‘I mean’, ‘you know’, or ‘like’. Pay careful attention to words that you tend to stretch unnecessarily, like ‘annnnnnnnnd’ or ‘buuuuut’. When you analyze yourself through your videos, you will actually see yourself the way the others see you. To put it briefly, you will be amazed. For the third time, watch the videos with both, sound and visuals, and see what is the overall impact that your communication with the world has.
This exercise helps you find out more about your strengths and weaknesses, the knowledge of which is of prime importance on your way to the crown. Knowing your strengths, you will be better able to use them to your advantage. Knowing your weaknesses will be your first major step towards rectifying them. Overall, you will build a solid foundation on which you begin to build more confidence and self-esteem. This confidence and high self esteem is what will help you when you are actually in front of the judges and a screaming audience, because there, you need to forget your nervousness through having a solid belief in your own abilities. There are many uncertainties in a contest and the butterflies in the stomach play havoc with your system. Unless, of course, you know for sure that you can’t go wrong, and that you have perfected that smile.
For instance, in the question and answer rounds, most contestants cannot concentrate on the question because their mind is running away with other thoughts, primarily about their own apprehensions and lack of belief in themselves. Preparing yourself thus, gives you renewed confidence and let’s you analyze the question to the best of your ability. Once you get the question right, an appropriate answer is not too far. Your preparation will bring out the right words.
But, hold on, that’s only half the job ! A wise man once said, what you say is important, but what is more important is, how you say it.
In the next issue let’s talk about the various elements that make up your delivery. The various qualities that differentiate an impressive delivery from a delivery that falls flat on its face. The nuances that send subliminal signals from a charismatic talker to the listener’s mind that are called the Vocal quality of your communication. A quality that all great communicators have. Till next time then !
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Communication Skills
Crowns & Roses
Learn Your Communication Skills
Convincing yourself in no uncertain terms that you are capable of winning a pageant is the first step towards winning a crown. We spoke about it in the last issue. Presuming that you have done that successfully and can clearly visualize yourself holding that bunch of flowers, wearing that crown, beaming that 100 crore smile while the press is hounding you, let’s get on to the next step.
Across the world today the realization has set in that irrespective of what field you work in, the one single core skill that you must have is the ability to communicate. Great communication skills can take you anywhere, and you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that. All we humans are saleable commodities. We are constantly trying to sell ourselves to someone, to our parents, our friends, our employers, those we do business with, our partners in love, and anyone else we need something from. If that be the case, like every good product, we’ve got to have great packaging, because that tells the world what to expect from inside the box. The product is us, and the way we communicate is our packaging.
Communication does not mean just the ability to talk. That is just the verbal aspect of communication. Along with that, it is equally necessary and perhaps even more important to have what are known as non verbal skills. It is said that when two humans meet each other, they make impressions of each other in the first one minute. This first minute impression lasts for a long time. Fortunately, a bad first impression can be made better by displaying your other qualities, but that takes a long time, often a few months. And when we are talking of winning pageants, surely it is either that first impression or nothing.
Notice how most successful people and almost all major pageant winners have that ability to make that first good impression. They are capable of attracting you from the word go. Whether it is Sushmita Sen or Rahul Dev, there are certain qualities in their manner of communicating that display a certain warmth. These qualities have been carefully nurtured by them over the years and a good school, a cultured family and a conducive environment help develop these charms. If you want to become a big pageant winner or a movie star, these qualities are most important. Pay attention to Amitabh Bachchan or Aishwarya Rai talking on a TV interview, you will know what I mean. The good news is that almost everyone who lacks these skills is capable of learning them. All it needs is someone to tell you how, and your own perseverance. Ironically, a lot of contestants in pageants devote very little attention to this, although this should take up the maximum time in your preparation for the crown. You can lose weight, tone up your muscles, get your teeth straightened out or even get a nose job. All that doesn’t take much time. What takes time is learning to getting through to people, and there is no shortcut to that. You need to start now.
The first step is to understand the basics. Let’s look at the basic elements that you can improve in the way you communicate so that people get attracted when you first come face to face with them.
We’ll tackle your Verbal skills first. For whatever reason, English is the chosen language today, though it need not necessarily be. Many a Ms Universe or Ms World spoke their own national language and used the services of an interpreter. Even a Hindi speaking Ms India contestant in 2000 used an interpreter in her preliminaries and question/ answer rounds, and reached the last 5. She lost out when she broke into English in the final question. She could well have become the first non-English speaking Miss
The second important skill is to be able to speak without the unnecessary fillers that most people use. While talking, if we can’t remember the right word to say, we often tend to fill that moment with some kind of a sound like ‘er’…. or ‘ah’ …… or ‘uhm’. We even have our own favorite words that we use too often to fill up these moments, words such as ‘you know’, or ‘like’, or ‘and all’. These unnecessary fillers take away from the main communication and make you sound like someone who does not have total control. The listener’s subconscious impression of you, therefore, is of someone who cannot be relied upon. Become aware of your fillers and get rid of them. You will thank yourself.
In the next issue, we shall talk about some exercises you can do to get rid of these extraneous sounds. Till then, get on the job, make up that list of attractive power words and start using them in your everyday conversation. The crown is closer than you think.
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
The First Step
It does not matter what you want in life, what matters is how badly you want it.
Whether it is winning a beauty pageant or a zillion rupees, the first step in getting anything in life is to really want it. And really wanting it does not mean just pining for it. I’ve heard a lot of people say they’d give a right arm to get this or an arm and a leg to get that, but when it comes to working towards it, they wouldn’t make enough effort. Most times this lack of effort comes from the fact that deep inside you, you are not convinced that you are capable of realizing your dreams. Your subconscious is repeatedly telling you that it is not possible. It’s one thing to say you wish you could be in Aishwarya Rai’s shoes, but it’s something else to say, and more importantly believe that you could actually be there ! This belief in yourself is something that will always take you places, the kind of places you would love to be in. It is an important step in the entire process.
Just like any other, winning a beauty pageant is also a process. It is a procedure that can be achieved by those who follow the laid down steps, and the first step is to believe, without a shadow of doubt, that you can do it. Knowingly or unknowingly, successful athletes do it, performers do it, achievers do it. There are very few successful people who do not actually believe they can do whatever they set out to achieve. You may surprise yourself and the others sometimes, but these kind of success stories are rare and hard to come by.
When you start believing in yourself, your thinking and actions undergo a certain change. You start disciplining yourself. You start finding time to do things that will help you achieve what you want. You automatically reduce wasted hours in a day because you are obsessed by your goal. You start being more punctual, you start becoming more and more thorough in whatever you do. You learn more, and without seeming to, slowly but surely, you walk towards your destination.
That’s the one thing that stands out when you talk to any successful person. A few years ago, supermodel Cindy Crawford was in India. During my chat with her, the one thing that stood out was her single minded focus, her sincerity towards what she was doing, and her attention to even the smallest detail. She attributed all that to the fact that if she believed she could do something, according to her, the only way to do it was to do it to the best of her capability. This is the one single habit that drove Cindy Crawford to super stardom.
If you want to win a big pageant some day, start now.
First, assess your positive and negative points. Take the help of sincere friends who would give you an honest critique of your personality and your looks. Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. Now sit down and make a fair assessment of what you have to do to enhance the strengths and overcome the weaknesses, and then, honestly ask yourself the question : “How badly do I want it ?”
However, be warned about one thing. Self belief does not mean false assurances to yourself. What it means is awareness of your drawbacks and a certain game plan to rid yourself of those shortcomings.
These days many young people want to become famous and they have many of the ingredients that are needed to become stars. They have a great goal, they have the required face and a great body, the intelligence and the charm. They also take the first bold steps towards achieving the goal. Unfortunately, they also have very little self-belief. They can’t see themselves in the role they want to achieve. Their beliefs are like a force hidden deep inside them, holding them back, stunting their progress, preventing them from taking the actions necessary to succeed. Really, at no stage do they really believe they are going to be successful.
Do you have a picture of success in your mind and a feeling that this is meant to be? Take a moment to think back over some of the things you have tried and failed to achieve over the last few years. As you do, ask yourself the question. When you started doing that thing, did you really believe you would succeed?. You will realize that in all these cases you did not.
It is vital that before you start to move towards the crown, take time out now, before you start any other preparation towards a big pageant. See if you believe that you can win, actually believe that you will succeed. Without achieving this first step, jumping to the next steps is not worth the effort.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
~Yuri~
The First Step
It does not matter what you want in life, what matters is how badly you want it.
Whether it is winning a beauty pageant or a zillion rupees, the first step in getting anything in life is to really want it. And really wanting it does not mean just pining for it. I’ve heard a lot of people say they’d give a right arm to get this or an arm and a leg to get that, but when it comes to working towards it, they wouldn’t make enough effort. Most times this lack of effort comes from the fact that deep inside you, you are not convinced that you are capable of realizing your dreams. Your subconscious is repeatedly telling you that it is not possible. It’s one thing to say you wish you could be in Aishwarya Rai’s shoes, but it’s something else to say, and more importantly believe that you could actually be there ! This belief in yourself is something that will always take you places, the kind of places you would love to be in. It is an important step in the entire process.
Just like any other, winning a beauty pageant is also a process. It is a procedure that can be achieved by those who follow the laid down steps, and the first step is to believe, without a shadow of doubt, that you can do it. Knowingly or unknowingly, successful athletes do it, performers do it, achievers do it. There are very few successful people who do not actually believe they can do whatever they set out to achieve. You may surprise yourself and the others sometimes, but these kind of success stories are rare and hard to come by.
When you start believing in yourself, your thinking and actions undergo a certain change. You start disciplining yourself. You start finding time to do things that will help you achieve what you want. You automatically reduce wasted hours in a day because you are obsessed by your goal. You start being more punctual, you start becoming more and more thorough in whatever you do. You learn more, and without seeming to, slowly but surely, you walk towards your destination.
That’s the one thing that stands out when you talk to any successful person. A few years ago, supermodel Cindy Crawford was in India. During my chat with her, the one thing that stood out was her single minded focus, her sincerity towards what she was doing, and her attention to even the smallest detail. She attributed all that to the fact that if she believed she could do something, according to her, the only way to do it was to do it to the best of her capability. This is the one single habit that drove Cindy Crawford to super stardom.
If you want to win a big pageant some day, start now.
First, assess your positive and negative points. Take the help of sincere friends who would give you an honest critique of your personality and your looks. Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. Now sit down and make a fair assessment of what you have to do to enhance the strengths and overcome the weaknesses, and then, honestly ask yourself the question : “How badly do I want it ?”
However, be warned about one thing. Self belief does not mean false assurances to yourself. What it means is awareness of your drawbacks and a certain game plan to rid yourself of those shortcomings.
These days many young people want to become famous and they have many of the ingredients that are needed to become stars. They have a great goal, they have the required face and a great body, the intelligence and the charm. They also take the first bold steps towards achieving the goal. Unfortunately, they also have very little self-belief. They can’t see themselves in the role they want to achieve. Their beliefs are like a force hidden deep inside them, holding them back, stunting their progress, preventing them from taking the actions necessary to succeed. Really, at no stage do they really believe they are going to be successful.
Do you have a picture of success in your mind and a feeling that this is meant to be? Take a moment to think back over some of the things you have tried and failed to achieve over the last few years. As you do, ask yourself the question. When you started doing that thing, did you really believe you would succeed?. You will realize that in all these cases you did not.
It is vital that before you start to move towards the crown, take time out now, before you start any other preparation towards a big pageant. See if you believe that you can win, actually believe that you will succeed. Without achieving this first step, jumping to the next steps is not worth the effort.
If you want to ask me anything else about the subject, contact me on yuriyuriyuri@gmail.com
History of Beauty Pageants in India
Crowns and Roses
~Yuri~
They are big today, but they have not always been big. Pageants in
Given this attitude, we had no representation in any world pageants till 1964, with the sole exception of Indrani Rahman, who participated in the Miss Universe contest in the early 1950s. Indrani too, was not really representative of the country as there was no system in place to select the best, train them, and send them to participate in international contests.
The beginning of the big times really happened in 1964. A small event with just a few entries. The participants were asked to come in the evening, dressed in their best sarees, and over dinner, Meher Mistry emerged as the first ever Miss
The first fashion show that I was to help organize, was for the Diamond Jubilee celebration of the Indian Air Force. We decided to include, as models, the daughters of a few Air Force Officers. While in the Air Force, I had a colleague called Subir Sen. Subir’s daughter was tall, well mannered and pretty (like 15-16 olds can be). She had a certain spark in the eye. But this little girl was due to appear for her XII class board exams in a couple of months. Rightly so, when asked if her daughter could model for that Diamond Jubilee event, her mother, Shubra, immediately clamped down. No way was her daughter going to be doing any fashion shows when that all important Board Exam was looming large on her head. With rehearsals about to begin, we were all standing backstage, Shubra, Subir, their daughter, I and a few others. The mother had said no, the father agreed with the mother, and the daughter did not have much say in the matter. Neither were any of us overly bothered. If not Subir and Shubra’s girl, we’d get someone else ! I did, however, talk to Subir. I said, “Look out for your girl. She’s going to make headlines someday”. Cut to a few years later. I remember the date, 20th of May, 1994. The Miss Universe pageant was on. It wasn’t being covered by any of the TV channels that we had access to. I was, however, trying to find out what I could, from wherever I could. And then I heard it on the radio. I can claim to be amongst the first few Indians to hear the big news. I picked up the phone and called Subir in his Vasant Kunj,
Participating in a pageant today, is looked upon as a prestigious thing to do. Every small town in
If you have a dream too, watch this space and I’ll take you through the paces of preparing yourself for that big contest.
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